College, Shoes, and Anxiety

Caleb was accepted to Austin Community College this week. He is super excited and ready to get to it. Neither RC nor I believe that a college degree is essential in living a life that pleases the Lord, so it’s not something that we push on our children. We are fine if they want to go, and will happily support and help them, but it is going to have to be something that they choose to do. And then something that they themselves actually do. We didn’t push Caleb to apply and there were many times when it didn’t seem that he was really that interested in / concerned about going. I’m not gonna lie, it was hard for me at times to keep my mouth shut about it. Again, not because I feel that college is super important, but because as an adult (with 20 years more experience than him) I would do things so differently than he is doing them. Well, his way worked out this time and he’ll be starting classes in the fall. This will be the first time in over 10 years that we will have a child (young adult) going to school outside the home. Life is going to get even more interesting.

I went shoe shopping Monday after work because I have two pairs of nice sandals to wear to work and I thought I needed another pair. I have a style in mind that I’m wanting and I bought a shirt dress on clearance at Target last Saturday and want some new shoes to wear with it. I found some Lucky sandals at DSW for $80 AND they were literally the last pair at the store AND they were in my size AND I didn’t buy them. Why? Because I had set myself a budget of $40 and because I know that in Christ I can truly be happy with what I have. Yes, I wear the same two pairs of shoes to work all the time, but no one else cares about that. I’m pretty sure they don’t base my job performance off my sandal variety.

Honestly, do you know what felt better than buying that pair of shoes? Being able to leave the store without buying them in peace and joy. I remember when there was this sense of fear or loss or some other weird feeling that I can’t quite explain but that surely you understand when I would want something new but might not get it. When my worth was tied to the way the world viewed me and I needed to impress. Or at least be in a certain category of impressiveness, even if I wasn’t super impressive. It is so very freeing to be fine with two pairs of nice sandals (and one pair of casual sandals). It is so very freeing to find my worth in the Lord. His yoke truly is easy and His burden truly is light.

Finally, my anxiety has been bothering me this week. There aren’t any particular circumstances that I can pinpoint as the culprit, just a constant background sense of unease, nervousness, fear. Some of the practical things I do when this happens is to turn to the Lord and call on the His name (seriously, saying His name out loud), watch my girly movies, listen to a spiritual message, and spend time with other saints. This go around, I’ve found that sticking to my routine despite my anxiety has also helped. RC and I walk in the mornings and it can be really easy to just stay in bed, but getting up anyway and being active has helped. I also have a morning routine of getting ready for the day, a routine of things I do when I first get to work, and a nighttime routine.

I don’t enjoy dealing with anxiety, but I have come to know the Lord more through it and for that I am very grateful. Here are some other thoughts I’ve shared on anxiety.


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